Preschool: The Beginning or The End?

Tomorrow is my daughter’s last day of Preschool. She goes to the same preschool with the same teachers her older brother went to three years ago. It’s a district run preschool located in the same daycare center that he went to since he was 3 months old. She’s been there part-time since she was 3 years old.

On the eve of her “graduation” I have many thoughts and feelings running through my mind. None of which, I want you to know, are sadness about her beginning kindergarten in the fall. Many people, moms especially tell me that they cry when their “babies” start kindergarten. Not me. Am I heartless? No, I’m confident and secure in both her and the adults who have taught and cared for her along the way.

First off, I have to say that her three preschool teachers work together in such a way that if they could be morphed into one human being they would be the perfect teacher. They have prepared her, like her brother before, for kindergarten in all ways imaginable. So well, in fact I’m not sure the plant and note card I gave them fully embraces my gratitude.

Second, the school she will be attending in the fall, although there will be a yet to be hired new principal, is filled with competent, caring, smart and funny teachers. My son and I, unlike some friends at other schools has had no negative experiences with past teachers and I have honestly heard nothing negative about the teachers in the upper grades.

Lastly, having worked at a domestic violence shelter, I have taken precautions on who I leave my children with; especially when it came to daycare. I also take the time to get to know the teachers in the elementary school to the best of my ability to “feel them out” and so far I have not been disappointed.

But there is sadness, not for what lies ahead, but for what will lie behind us after tomorrow. This daycare family has been a part of my family’s lives for over eight years. There have been changes in staff and directors, but overall turnover has been low. I will remain on the board of directors for a few years, but it is the daily interaction with the staff that I will miss. Their smiles, warm open arms, and sense of humor will leave a void that I’m sorry to say elementary school teachers cannot completely fill. With no family nearby they have become a strong support system for me. Early this year a teacher told me that I had good people helping me; little did she know I included herself in her comment.

So, today I brought in a cake for the staff expressing my gratitude in the best way I know how; baking. What was baked as a vanilla bundt cake turned into a 9 x 13 dense vanilla cake topped with freshly picked strawberries and whipped cream cheese frosting. They are worth so much more than a flop cake, but thankfully I was told it was delicious, therefore redeeming myself.

Lastly on my mind this evening is that three years ago I was unable to attend my son’s informal preschool graduation because I was in Florida with my mother who was dying from cancer. I missed his last few days of preschool to be with her during the last few days of her life. I don’t often think about what I missed because it was not a choice, but a responsibility. But tonight I can’t help but wonder what he said that day and how he behaved. Was he sad? Happy? Excited? My daughter is experiencing them all. Sad to leave her teachers and school, happy to have a special day tomorrow and excited for kindergarten in the fall.

So, if you live in La Crosse, WI or nearby and are in need of a daycare center that is so much more than its building and toys look up Coulee Children’s Center, I don’t think you’ll be sorry. I wasn’t.

Photos with a Story

Two Week Old Robin. Photo Taken by Daria Lapp. May 23, 2012.

Same two week old Robin. Photo Taken by Daria Lapp. May 23, 2012.

"It was a usual day. Robins had been living in the lilac and after school I came home to wonderful surprise one jumped out of the nest! Then I decided to play outside. As I was walking I walked right passed an empty nest. After that I turned around... 

...and there was a baby robin. I stared at it for a moment. It didn't move. Then I stared at it for five more minutes then I went inside to tell my mom that I stood 1 foot close to a baby robin! My sister Laura tried it too. It stayed there! After that my mom got the camera and took a picture it stayed but after that it finally flew away. It was AMAZING"

Running Recap

When I ordered a subscription to Runner’s World magazine I checked the box that allowed them to send me a daily inspirational running quote. There are humorous people working at that magazine, as they have named this daily email “Daily Kick in the Butt from Runner’s World”. Here’s a recent one I found in my inbox that really resonated with me:

“The biggest reward of marathon training is confidence. A 20- or 22-mile training run cannot be purchased, and it can't be rescinded. You are the owner of that strength, and it is a powerful force when life tries to knock you down. You have evidence of your tenacity, your ability, and your passion.” - Laura Saladino, Runner's World Challenger of the Week

After reading it I said to myself, “YES! That’s it, that’s how I felt about my half marathon.” I trained hard and honestly it’s the most dedicated I have been about a hobby in a long time, if ever.

The last few weeks of my training I found my left calf to be a bit “heavy” as I ran and was afraid I was running on an injury. After a few runs of being concerned something was wrong, when in fact it wasn’t, I changed my thinking. I remembered years ago, when I belonged to a gym I actually visited, that muscle weighs more than fat. So I decided that my calf was heavy because it was muscular! And honestly I think that was the truth.

A few things happened during and after my training that made me realize just how much I was improving my body. During an airport layover I had to run to my connecting flight and it felt like nothing! My massage therapist who I try to visit every other month told me that my back muscles were stronger. There’s no one else I would have believed had they said that to me. Then the other day I stood in front of my daughter in my sports bra and running shorts and she said, “You look tough.” I surprised myself by not flexing and grunting, “Yeah that’s right I’m tough!” after hearing that.

My goal for my original challenge race (April 10K) was to run it in under an hour…mission accomplished in 55:31.

My goal for the half marathon was simple to me (simple because I trained like a mother): run from start to finish. Mission accomplished. When I crossed the finish line I could not have run much further, I experienced the true meaning of leaving it all on the course.

In hindsight I had another goal, a subconscious goal, of feeling great when the race was over, feeling like I gave it all I had, a feeling of pride in myself, and a short recovery, proving to myself that I trained hard, and it paid off! Mission accomplished…

…so I’m running another half-marathon in November!

Once a Mother Always a Mother

Recently this mama duck and her ten ducklings were spotted wandering alongside a fence that along with a thirty foot drop separated her and her babies from water. She seemed calm and cool camouflaging her ducklings in the tall grass as they obediently followed her as she paced along a 50-foot section (a total and complete non-confident guess on my part; it very well could easily have been 20 or 100 feet) of the fence. As my family watched her I yearned to escort her along the fence, down a busy road, across train tracks and to the water. A distance of a mile. This I know to be a truly accurate distance because I have measured it on my bike before running it.

One mother watching another in distress.

I became choked up and honestly had to fight back tears, because like her I know the feeling of trying to protect your children, not wanting them to see or sense the fear. Keeping a strong façade, all while perspiring and frantically panicking on the inside.

I’m happy to report that my daughter spotted her and I think eight of her ducklings in the creek today. I do not know how they made it safely, a mom has to do what a mom has to do.  They had not been seen since my emotional introduction to her. And no I do not know for sure that was the same family, but I have a strong feeling and for my emotional well-being I will believe it was them. I also let my daughter count the ducklings (all ten) and afterward she said, “Good, they all made it.”

Did you know Mother’s Day is Sunday?!

I keep reading reminders on various websites and in a myriad of emails that Mother’s Day is Sunday. Guess what!? I know! Apparently though there are many women’s children who need this reminder, daily, everywhere they look.

Over the past two Mother’s Days I’ve had people ask me if Mother’s Day is a tough day for me (because my mom passed away in June 2009). The honest truth is no it isn’t. I think it’s because I, too, am a mom and my focus turns to my children rather than my mother on that specific day. Sure I miss her and Mother’s Day was a frequent time I would fly to Florida to visit her. But I believe she would smile when I say, “Now it’s all about me.” Whether jokingly or not she would often say those exact words.

I grieved her cancer the same way I’ve grieved her death; with laughter. Sure there are tears occasionally. Some people might find this offensive, but the most I cried was when my siblings and I made the decision in the cardiac intensive care unit waiting room to honor her DNR (do not resuscitate). At the time I was enrolled in a counseling class entitled “Development over the Lifespan”. I read the chapter on death, dying and grief as I was dealing with the immediate aftermath of her death. Wondering if there was something wrong with me I was relieved to read that I was resilient, not insensitive.

The first Mother’s Day after her passing I “scattered” my 1/3 of her ashes and last Mother’s Day I planted flowers, as has become the tradition in my family, from before she passed away. She loved flowers and there is no better way for me to remember her on that day than to shop for and plant flowers.

So, stop emailing me that it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and stop posting it around Facebook and on other websites I frequent because guess what?! I don’t have to send a card today for it to get there on time or order flowers at the last minute pretending I did it weeks ago.

On that day it’s all about me. I don't need to be reminded.

“Should” Kind of Day

I should be baking something for the couple who won my auctioned cookies, the first of six. I guess I’ll be baking them tonight, no worries. Either way they will be delivered tomorrow at the agreed upon time. I just have to plan out the presentation of them.

I should be gardening. I bought a beautiful pot full of Johnny jump ups that is unusually tall. Johnny jump ups (a member of the pansy family) remind me of my mom. I try to buy them every year, or some form of pansies. I have memories of living with her in Connecticut and her excitement when they would spread and “jump up” around the garden. I bought them Friday night at the first farmer’s market of the season. There’s a single flower that is a hybrid of a pansy and Johnny jump up and is light purple, rather than dark purple and yellow. It made me want that pot more! I’ve decided I’ll just transplant them into another pot opposed to the garden, they’ll get the sun they need to grow even if they won’t have room to jump around.

I should be blogging more. It’s most definitely not from a lack of ideas. I mentally write blogs daily, often multiple times a day. I hope to make more time to get them out of my head and onto the computer. I suppose I am accomplishing this right now. I should be writing about how well the half-marathon went yesterday (2:09:39). I should be writing about how referring to some friends as family is meant as a compliment, but I’ve decided the better compliment is telling them they’re better than family. In some family member’s cases this doesn’t take much though, but I mean it as the utmost compliment.

I will go rest in hopes it turns into a catnap.

Do I hear $25? $50? $75? Do I hear $100? $125…going once, going twice, SOLD for $125!

Sampler Platter of Chocolate Chip and Oatmeal Raisinet Cookies along with Blue Ribbon chocolates.

My cookies for a year sold at auction at The Parenting Place’s Blue Ribbon Ball for $125?! The most ego lifting fact is that it was the cookies the winning bidder wanted, not the passes to the Children’s Museum or other items that were paired with it!

The next day I happened to cross paths with the winner and he was eating a cookie. I love that I will be baking for a true cookie lover!