Making Friends

At this moment in time three friends are on my mind.

One who I had the honor of working for, well maybe not the honor, but thanks to answering an ad I worked for her for six months about 11 years ago. Her friendship was by far the best thing I got out of that job, oh and the knowledge that I’m only good at selling things when I don’t have to. Life is busy as many of you can relate to. We don’t see each nearly as often as either of us would like. This week, however, was an exception. Three hours split over two days we spent cross-country skiing together. The first day there were tears from laughter, most of which came after one of us fell. The other day there were nearly tears as we opened our hearts to each other. There’s just something about sharing nature’s peace that causes deep conversations.

It’s not often in my life that I feel a connection with a potential new friend, and the second friend on my mind I have only known since September and unfortunately she will be moving out of the state at the end of this week. She, like me, is not from the area, which initially drew me to her, well that and a mutual friend. She has a wonderful fun, honest, lively personality that I appreciate and respect. She moved her only a year and a half ago and I am not the only one sad to see her go, she has left a lasting impression on many. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to share many laughs, many over margaritas, with her. She has an awesome daughter who, even though she is 4 years older than my daughter, has bonded with her and has shown me the importance of having positive role models for my daughter. We will miss them both, but thanks to Facebook we will still see each other, and I have every intention of keeping in touch. I would like to think that I will visit them in Colorado, but the truth is that there are friends across the country who I think about often, many on a daily basis, that I like to think I will visit soon.

The third friend on my mind just celebrated a milestone birthday this week, which brings me back to a short conversation we had a few years ago that remains vivid in my mind. We were sitting at a baseball game together talking about ways to celebrate our, then far off, 40^th birthdays. She mentioned someone she knew who celebrated by taking a trip with their girlfriends. A fabulous idea I thought and still have the thought in my mind. We’ve been friends for about eight years and once again do not see each as often as I would like, but she’s never far from my thoughts. Life got in the way this week as we tried to arrange for a birthday lunch date. I just hope that if I haven’t been invited on the trip she’ll send me a postcard. After all I still have a few years yet to plan my own celebration.

Cheers to all the strong, funny women I am fortunate enough to call my friends. I’ve done a great job of surrounding myself with positive friends in the past dozen years or so and I highly recommend it to you all.

Who is Family?

Who is Family?

This entry includes my thoughts about what makes up a family that have jumbled and bounced around in my brain for years. I am writing with honesty and have no intentions to offend anyone. I’m not sure if when you are done reading this you will be confused, be able to relate to me, or just shake your head. Whatever you are feeling I thank you for reading this with an open mind and for not judging me based on the ramblings of this entry.

What makes someone a part of your family? Is it limited to those who you are blood related to? I think not. After all, those who are adopted or who adopt would strongly disagree. But adoptive families aside. If families are made up people whom you share memories with and love you for who you are, those who love you unconditionally, those who best understand you I would have to strongly disagree.

For me, I am fortunate to have some relatives who I would choose to be my family, those who I would choose to be friends with even if we didn’t meet through birth. There are also others who live their life and think so differently than me I am convinced that if we didn’t share DNA our paths would never cross.

Then there are loved ones we meet through marriage whose senses of humors, political views, and upbringings are so different than our own we wonder how their children grew up to be the perfect partner for us and parent to our children.

I have friends who have been promoted to the “better than family” status because we care about each other and love each other’s children as if they were “family”, but without the obligation, therefore choosing to be there for each other when we need help and support.

I have friends who are sisters and brothers, uncles and grandparents to my children. And I have known them no more than twelve of my thirty-six and a half years at best.

There are friends I can talk to about anything, who will listen with their heart and I have family who I can’t carry on a meaningful conversation with.

I have family whose kids I’ve never met or them mine. I have friends whose kids I only get to see once a year, but know they will be a part of my life because their moms are my “sisters”.

I have friends who send my children gifts and family who don’t even call on their birthdays.

I have family who keep secrets from each other and friends who I share nearly everything with.

I have family who are terrible listeners and friends who listen sincerely.

I have friends who I wish I could buy plane tickets for to come visit me, and family who I haven’t visited in years and have no plans to see.

I have family I choose to live several states away from and friends who I wish on a daily basis lived closer.

I have friends who I don’t talk with for months or over a year, but pick up right where we left off when we do speak or see each other. And family who I speak to regularly but have nothing to talk about.

I have family who I find no humor in and friends who I am guaranteed to laugh until I cry with during each and every visit, whether it’s weekly or yearly.

I have family who will never read this blog because it does not interest them, or they “don’t read” or maybe because they’re not interested in me and I have friends who “subscribe” to it.

I have a cousin who is more like a sister and a sister who is more like a distant cousin.

I am thankful for the people who are actively in my life and know that those who are not, my friends would say are missing out.

Most importantly, I own the fact that I choose between who is a part of my life and who is apart from my life. I am in awe of myself and the strength I have developed to make this decision, basing on my personal happiness, and my well-being, both emotionally and physically. I also know that in a relationship it takes both people to want to include each other. Surrounding myself with sincerely positive and respectful people who have similar lifestyles adds such peace to my life, I recommend it to everyone!

It is sometimes difficult to write with pure honesty not knowing exactly all who read my blog, but these thoughts have been screaming to get out of my head.

Accidents Happen

During the excitement of visiting relatives for the past two weeks my daughter has had a few bathroom accidents. With each one she is disappointed in herself and I react automatically by saying, “accidents happen”. And they do. They happen all the time. Playing with water guns the other day my son accidentally got “shot” in his eye. My husband often accidentally buys the wrong item at the grocery store. I accidentally do so many things I can’t think of just one to write in this space.

But today I heard about another accident that happened and it’s harder to swallow the words, accidents happen this time. Through my CT “hometown” newspaper’s website I learned that my dear friend’s father died in a one-car accident last night. Twenty-five years I have known her, therefore him too. I have not seen her in a year, as for the last time I saw her father I’m not sure exactly when it was. What I do know is that twenty-five years is a long time and there were many sleepovers at her house, there were many hours spent in her dad’s presence, and there were millions of smiles across his face…many frowns too, especially when we were loudly laughing and he would have preferred us to be asleep. He was an extremely hardworker and an individualist who had strong beliefs and lived the way that he was spiritually moved to live. I admire him for the path he created for himself and I wish for all the strength that he had to be passed on to his wife, two daughters, and soon to be born grandson.  

I just spent a week at my own Dad’s house and I am grateful for the timing. I love you, Dad and seeing how happily you thoroughly enjoyed your surprise birthday party last weekend will be forever ingrained in my memory.