Before my mom passed away, but after she was diagnosed with lung cancer I asked her to give me a sign after she died. Almost to my surprise she responded with, “If that was possible don’t you think someone would have done it already?” I was surprised only because I thought my mom believed in signs and to an extent she did, as do I.
My mom raised me to tell her the truth, to share my opinions openly no matter how harsh they may be. We ruffled each other’s feathers daily when I was a teenager and even after. But we communicated and respected each other. I could tell her just about anything I chose to.
So it is because of that that I sit here on my couch with tears streaming down my face at 11:30 pm three years after she died. I had just finished posting my last blog entry, “Who is Family?” when my cat started slowly approaching my back door. As I looked (because I trust her instincts, especially when we’re the only two awake in the house) I saw a small white thing at my door. Before I freaked out I walked very slowly over to her to see what type of animal it was. Several years ago it was common to see a black cat out that door. To my utter surprise it was a frog hanging out on my door! Let me just say in eleven years I have never experienced this. We have found several frogs (none this year though) in our window well and one once startled me by hanging out in a houseplant I put outside for the summer, noticing it only when I went to carry the plant in for the fall/winter and was eye to eye to it.
Just the other day my daughter and I were looking at photos when she drew my attention to a photo I had taken in Florida of a frog hanging out on my mom’s car window. My mom had many toads and frogs around her house, they could regularly be found on doors, in “toad houses” she placed in gardens, on her porch, almost anywhere you looked. I was sure to be startled by one on nearly every visit.
The tears have stopped, but as I sit here I can’t help but think this frog is a sign. After posting my last entry I thought of other things to add to it, but at the same time I’ve sat here for a few minutes speculating if my blog was the right place to express those feelings. Thinking that maybe my personal journal would have been more appropriate. Is this frog a sign from my mom saying, “It’s done, don’t worry about it. You were just being honest. If someone reads it and they don’t like, oh well”.
Signs are what we make them and I thank this little frog for hanging out with me as I write this.
