Being a Safe Adult

I like kids, actually I enjoy kids. I have worked with kids ever since I was a kid; babysitting and working as a camp counselor; mostly with three and four year olds. When I went away to college I missed having interaction with kids. After my first few years in college I had to do community service for a class and off of a list of possibilities I chose volunteering at the local domestic violence shelter, for one reason; they were looking for volunteers for their children’s support group. It evolved to occasionally working with the children in shelter too. Thus began my passion for working with children in need of a safe and trusted adult. I completed my 20 or so required hours and remained for four years, only stopping because I moved.

I love being a mom, but I still get a need fulfilled by being a safe adult to children in need. After working at another domestic violence shelter for five years as the children’s advocate, my passion led me to graduate school. There I earned my master’s degree in school counseling so that I could reach even more kids.

Currently I occasionally sub in local elementary schools; mostly the one my kids attend. I’m not a morning person by even at 7:45 in the morning a kid can make me smile simply by saying hello. I have been subbing for an extended period of time for an elementary school counselor at another school where there truly are more children in need. I thought this was an ideal situation, but I have discovered that I miss my kids. Yes, they are in school, but I am missing an hour with them in the morning, I am missing driving them to school, and I’m missing 20 minutes with them in the afternoon, and picking them up at the end of the day.

I do not get paid monetarily for being their mom, but the hugs, kisses, smiles and thank you’s make being their mom a priceless position. First and foremost I am their safe adult and I admit that I sometimes have to remind myself of that. There are so many kids I have interacted with that I wish I could “take home” but my kids must come first.

My husband is very supportive and without him I couldn’t be living this ideal life of my mine, of spending so much time with our fabulously, amazing kids.

Unexpected Cry

My mom has been “gone”, “dead”, “passed away”, “passed on”, whatever you feel comfortable calling it for 3 years, 4 months, and 2 days (or is it 3?). I prefer to focus on her birthday, which is in one month and 6 days, than the day she died. I don’t miss my mom every day. Think of her every day yes, but not necessarily miss her.

Just shy of my 18^th birthday I moved, by absolute choice, 1000 miles away from her to attend to college. In the end I went to The University of Alabama because my paternal grandfather and his brother went there, oh, and because they accepted me! But all the schools I applied to were many states away. My wings were tucked and aching to be spread for years leading up to my high school graduation. To me college was a safe time/way/place to test them out. I didn’t miss her every day then either. Not seeing her for months was part of my chosen life; we honestly had a closer relationship the further I was physically away from her. For about a year since I was 18 we lived 600 miles apart, border states, and to me, it was close.

When my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in September 2007, my daughter was 12 days away from turning a year old and my son was 3 months shy of 4 years old. Statistics were not good, so we didn’t read them. What I knew was that we wouldn’t have her much longer, so in the spirit of Randy Pausch I asked her to write letters to my beloved children who she would never see grow, or even graduate from preschool it turns out. I was reminded last June when my daughter graduated that I missed my sons’ three years prior because I was in Florida with her.

She wrote poems, we had long conversations, we laughed, but the one thing she couldn’t do she said was to write them letters, for every time she tried she cried (I’m sure sobbed is more like it, but I wasn’t there). One of my favorite poems she wrote during that time expresses that, and now over three years later that is the one thing when thinking about her life and death that is sure to make me, too, cry. For Hanukkah this year I made them “Shutterfly” books of my favorite photos of each of them with her. I honestly cannot wait to give them to her them, only hoping that at 6 and 8½ years old they will not find these as disappointing gifts; when they only get one a night. I do think they are old enough to appreciate them. I received the finished products a few months ago and have looked through each a few times always smiling. But as I put them in a new hiding spot today I had an unexpected good cry. In her words, “Sometimes you just have to get the sad out.”

10/11/12 (She would have gotten a kick out of today's date)

Jennifer Livingston

Many of you have had the pleasure of meeting one of my local news anchors, Jennifer Livingston. Monday morning when I dropped my kids off at school a friend asked if I had heard about the letter Jennifer had received from someone in the community commenting on her weight and it not making her a good role model. This letter led to a statement she broadcasted that very morning. My response was no I hadn’t, although in hindsight maybe I had seen the letter on her husband’s Facebook page…now I can’t remember if I had seen it before or after she told me about it. But I had not seen the news, so once I returned home I went online to find and watch it.

Her televised response to the letter (Watch it here) she received went viral. Not only did it flood Facebook and throughout the world. bbc.com had an article, People Magazine.com, she then appeared the very next morning (what a fast world we live in) on Good Morning America, The Today Show, and The Early Show, and Ellen Degeneres (one of my favorites) tweeted that she wants to meet Jennifer Livingston and have her on her show next week!

The part that has struck a cord with me, as with Jennifer’s from what she’s reported, was the part of the letter that said she was not a good role model, especially for girls, because of her weight.

So here’s my two cents…Jennifer Livingston always comes across on camera as smart, prepared, confident, and trustworthy. The same cannot always be said of the other local female anchors and reporters. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: thin does not mean healthy! Jennifer Livingston is a prime role model for girls and just like the person who wrote the letter (and myself for that matter) didn’t know she had a thyroid condition; there are many “thin” women who have eating disorders so the size of a person is not an acceptable measure of their ability to be a healthy role model.

New York Bagels Cause Power Outages?

Growing up in Connecticut it was not uncommon for our power to go out. It didn’t happen often, it just wasn’t completely surprising when it did. I never realized how not uncommon it was until I moved away. I have no recollection of the power ever going out when I lived in Alabama and here in Wisconsin it has only gone out a handful of times and usually flashes back on shortly after. But here I sit by the sun’s light typing…the power has been out for 10 minutes. 

My husband returned from a short business trip to northern New Jersey today and my only request to him before he left was, “Please bring me back some New York bagels if you can.” And he did just that. They taste better than any European chocolate he’s ever brought home from business trips abroad, but I can’t help but think that after our dinner of bagels our power went out 15 minutes later. Coincidence? 14 minutes later it’s still off…good time to catch up on blogging, especially for my dad in Connecticut who now owns a generator.

p.s. power came on after 45 minutes, if you were wondering.

Idiom? Speaking

I’m sick as a dog, at least that’s what I said last night. I never had a sick dog so I’m not really sure how sick that is or how long it will be until I’m feeling better. While we’re on it I’d like to meet the baby the metaphor (?) “sleep like a baby” was worded after. My babies were wonderful, but light sleepers. I think a more honest sentence would be; I slept like a baby last night, I was up every two hours. Which I was, leading me to say I’m still sick as a dog.  I do remember a friend having a sick dog once in college and she was told to feed it rice.  Rice? Is that what’s for lunch today? I’d just be happy to sleep like a rock right now.

September 11th: Previously Known as the Day After my Birthday

A few days before my birthday I gave my friends on Facebook a warning. This is what it said, “In less than 48 hours Facebook will inform you that it's my birthday. Although I thank you for your happy birthdays ahead of time, I would really enjoy it if you can post a joke or story on my wall in place of "Happy Birthday".”

As much as I enjoy reconnecting and staying connected with friends and family via Facebook I do not feel the love on my birthday when 50+ friends simply put, “Happy Birthday” on my wall. Last year I asked for a memory of our relationship and got some great ones that I had forgotten over the years. This year’s request resulted in friends and family across the world providing me with smiles and laughter all day long; what more could I ask for on my birthday? Several hours of my birthday were spent home alone, so the smiles and laughter were greatly appreciated.

Up until 11 years ago I simply felt the day after birthday blues on September 11^th, but now I feel a pit in my stomach and a longing to have my kids close to me. I will be in their school this afternoon, which provides comfort to me, but tonight I have a meeting to attend and am not looking forward to the short drive along the Interstate alone. With that said I continue to be thankful to be living in a small Midwest “city” where I convince myself I am out of harm’s way.

So, today on a day we could all use a laugh or smile I am sharing some of the jokes and stories I received yesterday. There really isn’t anything wrong with re-gifting, right?

• What did 0 (zero) say to 8?    ~ Nice Belt

• I was going to make you a rum cake, but now it’s just a cake and I’m drunk.

• When I get old I don’t want people to  say “Oh what a sweet little old lady”..I want them to say “Oh hell what is she up to now”

• I don't know any jokes so thought of the last thing that made me laugh until I cried. Please read nothing into my character or feelings toward you, just a laugh & my sincerest wishes for an amazing birthday!!

http://pinterest.com/pin/121245414939209881/ (Click on the picture after you click on this link)

• A blonde goes out for a run. She comes to a river and cannot see a bridge anywhere nearby. She spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo doll!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You're already on the other side!"

• Three men walked into a bar and the fourth one ducked.

• "Community Service: isn't just for celebrity convicts."

• Well lets see.... This one my nephew told me... Why did the farmer throw the butter out the window? He wanted to see the butter fly! Not so funny. My daughter did tell her dad that she and I played soccer in our undies in the backyard today.... That mental image should get you laughing! Happy Birthday!!! P.s. I did no such thing.... (names have been deleted to protect the innocent J

•  What do you call a fake noodle? ~ An impasta

• I have no jokes but will let you know that my son was mad at me this morning over a Bandaid. Have a great day and Happy Birthday!

• A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

• What did the pre k teacher say to one of her favorite alum. moms on her birthday? Why, Happy Birthday, of course :)

• Knock knock!

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting co MOOOOOOOO!

•  What is a potatoes least favorite day of the week?  ~ Fryday

• So. I saw your post the other day, and thought 'How neat, I'm sure I can come up with something, and how handy that she gave us a couple of days to think of something"

Today I have nothing, partly because I'm incompetent and forgot, and partly because I'm not sure I can think of any funny stories, well, besides 'Youthanise America'. Then I thought I could tell you a funny story about Melinda, since you'd find that just as funny, but she put the passive-aggressive kibosh on that idea.

It's your birthday, and all I got you was a rambling, nonsensical post about how I got you nothing. Man, birthdays are *hard* dude.

• I remember this time I was going to wish my friend a happy birthday, but she said she didn't want people to wish her a happy birthday; she only wanted jokes and stories... so I was just sitting staring stupidly at the screen because I don't know any jokes or stories... this continued for some time, until it ended.

Yes, I CAN Believe She’s in Kindergarten

Excited about tomorrow...first day of school for my third grader and a teacher orientation with my kindergartner! I love that I don't wonder where the past nearly 6 years went and I’m not asking myself if I really have a kindergartner. The answer is she’s been with me for all that time (with the exception of two years of part-time daycare while I finished up my master’s degree).

September 15^th marks six years ago that I worked full-time. At this time, that year, I was pouring with Type A qualities; making lists and schedules of how my newborn, toddler and I would fill our days. I had decided to be a stay-at-a-home, but not for one nanosecond did I believe I could truly “stay home” and be happy. At the drop of a hat I could tell anyone when storytimes, playgroups, or other child-centered activities were during the week.

Now I am busy filling my schedule with the time they are both at school. There will be no sitting on the couch watching movies. I am beginning a part-time job (more about that another time), and continuing to do the occasional subbing at my kids’ school, more volunteering in the school (hoping for some of it to be in their classrooms) and of course more running now that I can get back on a schedule! Half marathon in early November!

Six years ago many, many people told me that I would never regret staying at home with my kids and I thank them for their support and encouragement because guess what? They were all 100% correct. As for those lists and schedules I made, I’m so glad I had them for when we really needed them.

Part-time is perfect for me at this stage of motherhood. What job is perfect for you at this point in your life?